


The Comfort of a Monk

by calicoJill



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 17:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15539358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicoJill/pseuds/calicoJill
Summary: Beau's relationships with each member of the M9 is wholly unique from one another, and they each seek out comfort from Beau in their own ways when the loss of Molly leaves them feeling guilty and vulnerable.





	The Comfort of a Monk

"Uh... Beau? Can I... speak to you... alone?"

 

Beau raised her eyes from her mug of ale to Yasha who'd just finished her own and had excused herself from the solemn table. Beau glanced around the table to each of her quiet friends who were still recovering from their ordeal with Lorenzo... Each too shocked from their experience and the news of Molly's sacrifice to really talk to one another. There was a comfortable silence around the table, an understanding between them that no one really wanted to speak about it, and so they all quietly nursed their alcohol to help numb the pain as much as possible.

 

"Yeah... Yeah, sure." Beau nodded and quickly finished off the rest of her drink before excusing herself from the table they'd procured at the Land-locked Lady. Yasha nodded her head away from the table, a silent request to move someplace more private and Beau followed, unsure just what Yasha wanted to say to her. A small pit formed in her stomach as her mind ran away with possibilities. _Did she blame her? Did she want to lash out at her? Had she heard Molly's final moments? Was she angry she'd taken his cards?_ Beau swallowed and bit her lip, but continued to follow Yasha through the small tavern and into an adjacent hallway, ready to face what ever wrath the barbarian wished to reign down upon her. If Yasha wanted to hit her, to yell at her, to berate her, than Beau would accept it willingly if it meant that Yasha would feel even a little bit better about all that had happened.

 

Once out of sight of their friends, Yasha stopped and turned to Beau, a contemplative and frustrated look about her as she licked her lips, "... I... I had to watch... from that _cage_." Yasha started and Beau listened. "I had to watch you _kill_... _Lorenzo_... and now I- I have no where to put my anger. He's already dead... I wanted to be the one to tear his heart from his chest... and I could only watch..."

 

Beau could see the way Yasha's neck tensed with each successive word, her anger just under the surface with no where to go. Beau bit her lip and nodded, prompting Yasha to continue.

"I... I need..." Yasha looked down, almost embarrassed, "I need you to help me... feel something other than this... pain..."

 

Beau cocked her head slightly in confusion, not sure if she understood just what Yasha was asking, but from the way Yasha avoided eye contact, Beau could guess. "Yasha?"

 

Eventually Yasha forced her eyes to meet Beau's and she sucked her lips, anxiously, her brow knitted as she waited for an answer from Beau. "Please..." It was quiet, almost pleading.

 

"Are... you sure?" Beau asked. She knew from her own experience how easy it was to distract herself from pain with pleasures of the flesh, but she didn't want to take advantage of Yasha's pain, and have the woman regret it later.

 

Yasha swallowed and nodded before she tipped Beau's chin up and pressed her lips firmly against hers.

 

After a short moment of surprise, Beau allowed herself to kiss Yasha back, and as the seconds ticked by, the kiss deepened, and fingers found their way into tangles of hair. Beau had wanted to kiss Yasha from the second she'd met her, but she hadn't expected her first kiss with her to be a distraction from pain, but if that's what Yasha needed to feel something else, than Beau was willing to give her that, and so she continued the kiss as Yasha's hands pulled at her robes, bringing her closer in an attempt to drown herself in something other than sorrow and ale. Beau wasn't a stranger to anger and the energy that came with it, in this way, Yasha and her were cut from the same cloth and if sex was what Yasha needed in order to deal with that anger, Beau was the right person for the job.

 

Beau pulled away and the two caught their breaths, "...I'll... I'll get us a room." Beau said and with a nod from Yasha, she reluctantly pulled away and made her way back to the bar to speak with Champ. After a short conversation she took the key and lead Yasha to a room down the hall, ready to comfort her in one of the few ways she knew how.

 

\----

 

Beau placed opened mouthed kisses along the exposed skin of Yasha's neck, as she let her fingers run gently through Yasha's hair as the woman came down from the release Beau had afforded her. Beau could feel Yasha swallow between heavy breaths as she tried to regulate her breathing. The two stayed silent, and Beau continued to kiss Yasha's skin, and Yasha gently ran her fingers up and down the soft warm skin of Beau's back, drinking in the small pleasures that Beau continued to give to her.

 

Her energy was spent. The anger remained, but her body no longer needed to release it, at least not at the moment. Beau had done exactly what she had asked and gave her a much needed outlet and now her eyelids began to feel heavy and the warm kisses along her neck left her buzzing with a soft comfort she had been craving. Slowly she let her eyes close as Beau continued to weave gentle touches about her body.

 

In the silence they heard a soft "Beau?" outside their room, quiet, and seemingly lost.

 

The two stopped their gentle touches and Beau pulled her head up from where she had been nestled into Yasha's neck. She knitted her brows together in worry.

 

"Jester?"

 

There was a slight pause as Jester found the door she'd heard her name from.

"Beau? Are you in there?" Jester's voice was quieter than normal, sadder.

 

Beau looked to Yasha who only nodded to her. "Yeah, Jester... I'm here."

There was another pause before Jester continued and Beau could hear the hesitancy in her voice. "Can I... can I come in?... I don't wanna sleep alone..."

 

Beau looked from the door and then down to Yasha under her and gave her a look of apprehension before Yasha nodded her permission to Beau. "She needs you too..."

 

Beau swallowed and nodded, almost in thanks to Yasha for not making a big deal out of the interruption.

 

"Yeah... yeah just a second, Jester..." Beau untangled herself from Yasha's warm body and began to nakedly gather their clothes from the cool wooden floor. She tossed Yasha her clothes and the two began to hastily dress themselves to some degree. Once satisfied, Beau opened the door to see Jester, eyes red from crying.

 

"Hey... hey, come here." Beau welcomed Jester into her arms and held the smaller girl tight to her chest, rocking her from side to side.

 

"We're still roommates... right?" Jester asked and Beau nodded against her temple.

 

"Yeah... always. Come on." Beau pulled away from Jester as the girl sniffled and wiped a tear away.

 

It was then that Jester realized Beau hadn't been alone in the room and the realization dawned on her just why Beau had gotten a room without her.

 

"Oh... I- I can leave-" she started, feeling guilty for having interrupted the two.

 

"It's alright..." Beau reaffirmed and nodded to Yasha who sat silently on the bed, unsure if she should stay or not. "We... We were finished."

 

Jester grimaced with guilt again, "I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be... Come on."  Beau lead her over to the bed and as Jester crawled into the covers on the other side Yasha stood up, ready to leave feeling as though she were intruding now. But before she could get far, Beau reached out and took her by the wrist. "Stay..."

 

Yasha looked to her feet and then back to Beau's eyes before finally nodding and after letting Beau crawl under the covers, climbed in after.

 

The three lay together quietly with only the soft sniffling from Jester to break the silence. After an awkward couple minutes, Beau pulled each of them closer to her, ready to comfort them both.  Jester curled up into Beau's side and clutched tightly to Beau's robes and Yasha let herself rest her head against Beau's as Beau took her hand in hers and began to rub her thumb along hers.

 

Just as the three were beginning to relax, a soft knock at the door drew their attention and the soft, melancholy voice of Fjord followed after. "Beau...? You in there?"

 

"Yeah, Fjord." Beau was already untangling herself from in between Yasha and Jester.

 

"I... could use someone to talk to."

 

After a moment the door opened and Fjord met Beau's eyes with his own sorrow filled gaze.

 

"I... didn't know who to talk to... but... I think... I mean you and I... we get each other... right?"

"Yeah... I think so." Beau agreed and leaned against the door frame.

 

"I..." Fjord swallowed and craned his neck back and sighed. "I..."

 

It was the first time Beau had ever seen Fjord lost for words and she let herself frown at the revelation that Fjord was just as lost as the rest of them.

 

"I can't... shake the feeling that this was all my fault... Ya'll look to me like... like I'm your leader... and I let this happen... I let them get the drop on us... take Yasha... Jester..." there was a pause. " _Molly_....and I'm... I'm not really sure what to do... Where do we go from here?"

 

Just like before, if Fjord was their leader, than Beau was his second in command, and he needed her input to move forward.

 

"Well... You're not alone," Beau said and crossed her arms against her chest, looking down to the floorboards that lined the halls. "... I think we all feel some sense of guilt in this... I know _I_ do... That I didn't hear anything when you were taken... that I didn't do _more_ to help Molly... That we couldn't get to you sooner... This... isn't on you. None of it is."

 

Fjord was silent for a long moment. "I think- I think I knew that... but it's... _nice_ to hear someone else say it... when everyone looks to me as this... pillar of strength... it's hard not to bare the burden... Specially when I see how much it pains Jester that she wasn't there to heal Molly when he needed it... and Yasha… wasn't there to protect him... It's hard not to want to take their guilt from them, and make it my own... I feel like I could have done more to prevent this... and protect our... our-" Fjord fumbled and shook his head.

 

"Family." Beau helped Fjord get out the word he wasn't sure how to say. Fjord and her both knew what it was like, not knowing what a family was supposed to look like, to feel like, but she knew now, and she was sure he did as well.

 

"Yeah... our family..."

 

"I guess this is what it means to have one." Beau shrugged.

 

"Yeah..." Fjord nodded his head and swallowed a lump in his throat. "and I'm... _worried_ this will happen again... that I'll fail to protect... my _family_..."

 

"You've helped make this family, Fjord.. And... no one knows just what will happen down the line... Molly's fucking cards can't predict that... But-" Beau shuffled her feet a little "But what ever comes our way... we stick together. We keep going."

 

Fjord nodded his head and pursed his lips in thought. "You've... grown."

 

"I... had to." Beau shrugged noncommittally before glancing back into her room. "You wanna join the cuddle pile?"

 

Fjord arched a brow before peering past Beau and noting Jester and Yasha's presence. "I... guess I don't really have a roommate anymore..."

 

Beau nodded her head towards the room and Fjord followed her in, unwilling to say out loud how badly he needed to be around his family tonight as he crawled in next to Jester who held up the blanket for him on her side of the bed. Beau quietly closed the door behind her with a soft click and once again found her spot between Jester and Yasha.

 

As Beau got comfortable, and once again entwined her finger's with Yasha's and let Jester curl up against her, she couldn't help the smallest of melancholy smiles tug at her lips. She'd grown up in a home where she wasn't wanted, and yet here, with her family, her _real_ family... she was valued... and even sought out for comfort and in that she found her own comfort as her eyes slowly drifted shut.


End file.
